Mississauga, ON: A recent study headed by the renowned social scientist Timothy Wilkinson has made a startling new discovery. Wilkinson’s team interviewed around 200 university students who had recently undergone dramatic relationship fallouts. Most of those interviewed had just ended a long serious relationship with a loved one. Shockingly, the study found one common culprit that was to blame for all of these break-ups: FACEBOOK.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, its Facbook! The social networking site that we are all addicted to, the site on which we naively stalk strangers for hours, the site without which our lives would cease to exist is finally taking its toll on us. Confused? Some of the excerpts from this shocking study should explain.

Mario, who is still recovering from a nervous breakdown, explains why his girl friend of 5 years dumped him. “It was too much for her….she just couldn’t take it anymore. The fact that I didn’t have a picture of the two of us as my display picture just killed her. Hatred and resentment was just building up in her heart for months. She just lashed out on me one night. We had already gone through a huge fight when she forced me to change my relationship status. Why does the whole world need to know who I am dating.???…..Ahhh… how I wish I could go back to 2006… ”

Vanessa also just ended a relationship with here best friend of 18 years. She explained, ‘Ayesha and I have been friends since the first grade. I never thought that a superficial social networking site could come between us. I mean why does it matter that my boyfriend is number one on my top five friend’s list? I just bumped Ayesha down to the second spot just cuz he bumped me up to first on his page. So I figure I’d reorder the list out of courtesy…. I didn’t know it mattered so much to her….why does some fuckin virtual friends list matter to people…..’

Andres story is yet another heart breaker. He wiped the stream of tears that flowed down his cheeks as he explained to us why his parents disowned him. “So…hmm…mmyy… sorry its really hard for me talk right now….just give me a few moments…. So my parents recently got Facebook. My mother sent me friend invite shortly after. I hesitantly accepted. Next thing you know, they disown me after finding out I had changed my religious views from scientology to vegetarianism. I mean Lord Xenu is great but… I just didn’t feel at home there…”

Dr. Wilkinson gives us his insights into this relationship pandemic, “I have successfully identified a new psychological condition, I call it the Facebook Syndrome. We see more and more people being victimized by it everyday. The condition is rooted in man’s egotistic desire for attention. People update their feelings on their statuses right as they change; pictures are posted not to share but to show-off. We are finding that some people now feel obligated to update every bit of personal information about themselves on Facebook. Society expects that from you now, and if you don’t live up to that expectation you’ve commited a sin. If your relationship isn’t Facebook official, its not a relationship at all. I’ve started a new group on Facebook to mitigate the effects of this epidemic. Its called ‘Let’s Ban Facebook!’, please join the group and help combat the Facebook Syndrome.”

The Mayans predicted the end of our world will be on 21 December 2012, approximately four years from now. Some people say that is a misinterpretation of the Mayan calendar system while others think that is what they actually predicted. Either ways the Mayans were pretty smart and there are a lot of people out there concerned about this prediction. Some have been seriously thinking of the possibility of a cataclysm happening in 2012.

I have been thinking about the possible ways the world could actually come to an end with in the next four years. There might be a natural disaster perhaps; a huge flood, hurricane, earthquake… perhaps the polar ice caps will melt. Maybe a big war might take place; a nuclear holocaust that might kill off the human population. An outbreak of disease to which no one is immune or perhaps an astronomical disaster… like a asteroid hitting planet earth. The problem I find with all these disasters, or perhaps the good thing, is that they don’t guarantee the total extinction of the human race or planet earth. In either scenario, there would be a small population that would be left behind and it might be possible that they re-populate planet earth. The only possible way total extinction can happen is if some how all of the above events take place at the same time; which is highly improbable.

I recently came across a situation which might actually mark the end of our world. What I am about to say is far fetch, unlikely and improbable; but still theoretically possible. Scientists at CERN have been working on the Large Hadron Collider or LHS. The thing they are after is the Higgs boson particle aka ‘the God particle’. If discovered, this mass less theoretical particle might explain the origins of our universe. They are trying to recreate conditions similar to that at the beginning of the universe in the LHS and have already been able to bring it down to temperatures lower that in outer space, about 2.2 Kelvin’s. Here’s how the end of the world might come out of this experiment. Scientists have confirmed that they will be creating black holes when colliding particles against each other. Even though these black holes are supposed to be very short lived and are of a small scale, many people fear that there is a chance that these black holes might get out of control and actually swallow planet earth into them! Several reports and surveys have confirmed that the experiment is safe and that there is no danger to planet earth (click here for more info). However, the possibility still exists and the timeline goes perfectly with the Mayan prediction. The LHS should be up and running to its full capacity by 2012. We’ll just have to wait and see if the world actually comes to an end as a result of this experiment. (Hopefully not, because that would mean that CERN would loose all its funding)